Archives For Loneliness

Foreword

One thing I have learned is that for the most part, people express the same idea but they express it in many different ways and with many different words. It is the details in the expression, the words, and combination of words used, that give a story its colour, its texture, and brings it–and its lessons–to life.

We are unique combinations of our beliefs, values and life experiences. Differences notwithstanding, we, and our experiences, are important. Therefore, there is value in compiling and sharing these stories and the multitude of ways in which ideas are expressed. Combined, these stories weave a wonderful tapestry that exemplifies just how rich and beautiful life can be.

And who knows? An inadvertent remark or detail in the retelling of a story can stand to attention and have an impact in the world of a reader. And with that exciting possibility, perhaps the most valuable thing I can do is create the space where the stories of those whom I admire and respect can be shared.

Below are people that I have come across on my own life journey whom I deeply admire and respect. Whether it be their tenacity or courage, or relentless drive or passion, each individual generously reveals a different lens in response to the questions I regularly pepper them with.

As we continue on our sharing over this anthology, I will share tidbits and anecdotes as to why I hold them in such high esteem, and what I love most about them. In turn, I hope that you do too.

Have you experienced burnout? If yes, what have you learned?

There were days where putting one foot in front of the other to come to the office in the morning was almost too much to bear, and when I did get to the office I spent far too long staring at the computer screen not doing much.

Andrea Grisdale, Founder and CEO at IC Bellagio, Board Member at Entrepreneurs’ Organization. Bellagio, Lake Como.

Absolutely yes. I experienced burnout 8 years ago and I remember it well. The biggest “thank goodness” at that time was that I had a coach at the time who helped me navigate what I was experiencing.

I was exhausted, fed up, lacked energy, and was overall in a negative state of mind and being. There were days where putting one foot in front of the other to come to the office in the morning was almost too much to bear, and when I did get to the office I spent far too long staring at the computer screen not doing much.

In spite of this, I felt I could not walk out on my team when we were on an “all systems go” mode in the middle of travel high season despite knowing in my heart of hearts that I needed a break.

Thankfully my coach at the time invited me to look at the situation differently and helped me craft my communication piece to my team, clients, and partners to advise them that after many years building the business, I was now at the point where I could step away from the office for a month to take a much-needed break.

To this day I can still remember how anxious I was hitting the send button.

The reaction I got was amazing. There were so many beautiful emails wishing me a well-earned rest, asking me to promise not to worry, and assuring me that they would go above and beyond to “do me proud” and make sure the business was as great if not better when I returned. And this is exactly what I found.

Taking a month away from emails, traveling, appointments, and feeling like I had to do things was the best thing I ever did. I would never hesitate to do this again should I feel it the right thing to do.

I have since learned to delegate, step away—even a couple of hours earlier than normal—without feeling guilty in any way, and understand that working crazy hours is not the way life is meant to be.

A healthy work-life balance is crucial to my success and my future and that of the business. If I am going to be the leader of the business that I want to be, it’s my responsibility to make sure I show up 100% always, and only I can put myself in a position to make that happen.

A business will always take everything you give it and want more. Set your boundaries and focus on the long game.

Ben Ridler. Founder at RESULTS.com. Auckland, New Zealand.

This is one that I’ve lived and learned from.

Entrepreneurs have appalling health stats. Start a business and expect to shorten your life by 10 years or so. Mental health stats are worse with two-thirds of us having one diagnosed mental health issue and some having 2.

After leaving my last business which was 4 years of major stress, my body shut down, I took time out to recover and learn and was fortunate to be living with a health genius, Dr. Vanessa Ingraham, a lifelong health researcher and born into a medical family. Amongst her many qualifications, she’s a naturopathic doctor with a fellowship in anti-aging and regenerative medicine.

As I got more interested in the health of entrepreneurs and my own health journey, Dr. Ingraham and I extensively researched having a business to support the health of entrepreneurs. The business never launched but as part of it, I completed year-long training as a health coach with the BulletProof Training Institute and as a human potential coach.

I have just turned 50, am in the best physical and mental shape of my life, and am getting ready for the intensity of another global play in the B2B software-as-a-service space. Here are a few of the key learnings in no particular order.

1. Doctors are traditionally sickness experts and not trained in nutrition, supplements, mindfulness, circadian rhythm, etc. Their primary role is to treat symptoms.

2. You need to take responsibility for your own health. No one else can do it.

3. What we do is stressful and you need healthy release valves. Alcohol is not a health release valve and it’s a poison consumed at the levels that we consume it at.

4. The gym won’t affect your weight. It’s what you eat and drink.

5. Fat is not the enemy; sugar is. The recommended food pyramid is bad science and has been long disapproved.

6. Good nutrition and health is a way of thinking. It’s adopting a philosophy and strategy, not tactics or magic pills.

7. Mindfulness is easy to do and easy not to do; like goal setting. It is the most beneficial thing that we can do if we choose to only adopt one new habit.

Most entrepreneurs sacrifice their health for their business then something happens and they are in the hands of the sickness industry. If one is serious about having a long career as an entrepreneur, one needs to learn how to manage stress and find healthy ways to release and take ownership of one’s own health. I’ve seen many of us go by way of heart attack and cancer—both lifestyle diseases—and I’ve done a lot of damage to my health with years of high stress, alcohol, an average diet, and extreme exercise.

Now I train very little, walk a lot, and my weight has been stable for 4 years (it used to fluctuate 10 kgs every year). I don’t diet, I eat amazing food, and I’ve slowly managed to get my hormones back into balance. I’m a biohacker, I track my own medical data, get blood tests done regularly, sauna, and get outside in the sun every day that I can. It’s not rocket science but rather mainly common sense. Look at how people live in blue zones and you’ll get the idea.

Finally, remember that a business will always take everything you give it and want more. Set your boundaries and focus on the long game.

The old adage that if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life, isn’t quite the whole truth. The whole truth is that you’ll never stop working.

Jamie Skella. Chief Operating and Product Officer at Mogul, Former Chief Product Officer at Horizon State. Melbourne, Australia.

The old adage that if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life, isn’t quite the whole truth. The whole truth is that you’ll never stop working.

Yet, indeed, it doesn’t feel like a “job”. These kinds of scenarios have never led me to burnout. My lived burnout experiences have been the result of politics.

There are many good reasons that many entrepreneurs dislike the organizational complexity cliff that occurs at about 30 staff, regret establishing a board, or even wish they’d stayed private. (Elon Musk famously regrets taking Tesla public.)

That’s not to say you shouldn’t do any of these things, but it’s important to go into them understanding what the ultimate costs of this kind of success can be… with the biggest price of all being that it might not remain something you love.

Doing something you don’t genuinely love, a lot is the clearest path to burnout.

A passionate life is like a candle. When it burns, it is so captivating and we are drawn to the flame. It is in that flame that we are captivated and when we focus too much on it, everything else dims in comparison, and yet we draw closer still. If we are not careful, we eventually get too close and we burn ourselves.

Kym Huynh. Founder at WeTeachMe, Former President at Entrepreneurs’ Organization. Melbourne, Australia.

When I share with others what type of life I want to live, I oft state, “I want to live a life that is extraordinary in every sense of that word, and to live life as passionately as one can.” I apply this philosophy to every aspect of my life including entrepreneurship, and at times it has been to my own detriment.

A passionate life is like a candle. When it burns, it is so captivating and we are drawn to the flame. It is in that flame that we are captivated and when we focus too much on it, everything else dims in comparison, and yet we draw closer still. If we are not careful, we eventually get too close and we burn ourselves.

I have learned that passion is very much a tool that we wield. And like all tools they can be wielded to aid us in our goals and pursuits, or they can be wielded incorrectly and hinder or harm us more than it helps us. And so when I look at our I have utilized the tool of passion in my life (or any other tool for that matter), I also look at how I mitigate against its adverse effects. Often, the mitigation is in: (1) rest; and (2) making sure that all 4 areas of my life are balanced; personal, family, business, and community.

I worked weeks with only 2–3 hours of sleep because sleep was a hindrance to my success. Suddenly, I started making mistakes. I was tired during the day, and I struggled to make decisions.

Raymond Chou. Founder and CEO at Infront Consulting APAC. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Burnout is something I experienced multiple times. To mention the words “multiple” makes me cringe in personal disappointment. Burnout is not fun because we get unmotivated, tired and our ability to think straight is impaired.

I burned out in the moments when I had a string of deadlines and felt that I had the responsibility of getting everything perfectly done. Even if a teammate completed the work, I still needed to be the one to put the cherry on the top and scrutinize the entire cake.

I worked weeks with only 2–3 hours of sleep because sleep was a hindrance to my success. Suddenly, I started making mistakes. I was tired during the day, and I struggled to make decisions. This general lack of productivity lasted weeks. The worst part? I sacrificed my health.

I learned the hard way that life is a marathon and not a sprint. We can push hard but we need to listen to our body and take rests.

I learned to have yin and yang; a balance of life. We work hard but we must also rest. I make sure now I get in a 30-minute high-intensity interval training session or a 5 km jog every day. I take time to read something that grows my mind, and I am diligent with my supplements.

Without health, we can’t do all the things we dream of doing. Health is the center of everything.

It took me a long time to realize that all the stress I felt was of my own design.

Ron Lovett. Founder and Chief Alignment Officer at Connolly Owens, Founder and Chief Community Officer at Vida Living, Author at Outrageous Empowerment. Halifax, Nova Scotia.

I’ve certainly had burnout throughout my entrepreneurial career and it’s taken some time for me to reflect on why.

I experience most of my burnout during the time I owned a private physical security company.

Back then I was an entrepreneur with all the answers. Thinking you have all the answers causes everyone around you to ask lots of questions. As I starting to build the business, it was very challenging to keep up with the demands of those around me combined with wearing multiple hats in the business. It took me a long time to realize that all the stress I felt was of my own design.

The point of burnout and escalating business challenges forced me to allow others to have the autonomy to answer their own questions. This culture transformation was the first step and allowed me to step back from the day-to-day so that I could move to a different role of guidance and strategy. That was a journey in of itself and for another time. However, I can tell you that I’ve never looked back nor experienced burnout since getting the company culture right.

To me, business is a game that is meant to be enjoyed, and it is a game that I learned to play as a child, and that enjoyment has never left me.

Tony Falkenstein. Founder and CEO at Just Life Group Limited, Founder and CEO at Just Water, President at Entrepreneurs’ Organization. Auckland, New Zealand.

To me, business is a game that is meant to be enjoyed, and it is a game that I learned to play as a child, and that enjoyment has never left me. The circumstances have changed, but so they changed when I went from the sandpit to play snakes and ladders, from riding my bike to playing Monopoly, or from crossword puzzles to computer games.

I often wonder how people can burn out from business; it is just playing a game. However, I do understand that we are not all born the same way. I personally don’t need a holiday, as my work is like being on holiday. I recognize that most others don’t operate the same way, as they play the game too intensely and emotionally.

What do you think?

Do you agree or violently disagree with anything shared in this article? Or do you have any of your own stories that you want to share? Pop them in the comments and I will personally reply.

Call to action 

My goal is to help 1,000,000 people. My wish is to have these articles shared 1,000,000 times through the various social networks. For this reason, I provide this collection online for free and all I ask of you is this: If any of these articles have helped you in any way, please take a moment to share on social media, email to someone you think will find benefit, or print and leave it on the desk of someone whom you believe has the motivation, but lacks the tools to take themselves to the next level.

Don’t miss out on any new articles. Subscribe via email using the form at the bottom of this post and I’ll have the articles delivered straight to your inbox. Alternatively, you can also follow me on my various social media accounts: FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, and Twitter.

Foreword

One thing I have learned is that for the most part, people express the same idea but they express it in many different ways and with many different words. It is the details in the expression, the words, and combination of words used, that give a story its colour, its texture, and brings it–and its lessons–to life.

We are unique combinations of our beliefs, values and life experiences. Differences notwithstanding, we, and our experiences, are important. Therefore, there is value in compiling and sharing these stories and the multitude of ways in which ideas are expressed. Combined, these stories weave a wonderful tapestry that exemplifies just how rich and beautiful life can be.

And who knows? An inadvertent remark or detail in the retelling of a story can stand to attention and have an impact in the world of a reader. And with that exciting possibility, perhaps the most valuable thing I can do is create the space where the stories of those whom I admire and respect can be shared.

Below are people that I have come across on my own life journey whom I deeply admire and respect. Whether it be their tenacity or courage, or relentless drive or passion, each individual generously reveals a different lens in response to the questions I regularly pepper them with.

As we continue on our sharing over this anthology, I will share tidbits and anecdotes as to why I hold them in such high esteem, and what I love most about them. In turn, I hope that you do too.

Is entrepreneurship a lonely journey?

Is this person willing to make sacrifices for me, and am I willing to make sacrifices for this person?”

Alex Louey. Founder and Managing Director at Appscore. Melbourne, Australia.

Entrepreneurship can be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be! I have been blessed with having a great co-founder that is both supportive, and strong where I am weak, and weak where I am strong.

Finding a good co-founder that you can trust, has high moral standards, and is ethical. The question I asked myself was, “Is this person willing to make sacrifices for me, and am I willing to make sacrifices for this person?” This question is important because a business partner should be there for both the good and the bad.

There are things you can do to make sure you’re not alone

Andrea Grisdale, Founder and CEO at IC Bellagio, Board Member at Entrepreneurs’ Organization. Bellagio, Lake Como.

Becoming part of the Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO) was one of the best decisions that I have ever made to make sure that I wasn’t alone.

The opportunity to meet personally (or virtually in 2020) with a group of trusted entrepreneurs who run a variety of businesses, to be able to share experiences, and to be able to learn from each other in a safe and trusted environment is second-to-none.

EO has given me so many educational opportunities that have been: (1) worth their weight in gold; and (2) perfect for spending time with people who are “in the same boat”.

The entrepreneurial journey doesn’t need to be lonely

Emma Welsh. Founder at Emma & Tom’s. Melbourne, Australia.

I don’t believe the entrepreneurial journey needs to be lonely. In fact, I believe it to be the opposite.

One of my core aims in business is to build a fantastic team of players that I am constantly surrounded by, and that team needs a captain and a coach.

I find that the fulfillment of both captain and coach roles provides a level of connectedness with my business, and the people in my business.

There is a unique, solitary, and undeniable burden that comes with being an entrepreneur

Jamie Skella. Chief Operating and Product Officer at Mogul, Former Chief Product Officer at Horizon State. Melbourne, Australia.

Entrepreneurship has been a complex journey for me. Although a profound sense of togetherness, support, and connectedness have been part of my journey, there is also a unique, solitary, and undeniable burden that comes with being an entrepreneur; a certain “loneliness”.

Psychologically you will experience pressures that very few others fully grasp, while practically speaking you will have less time for you to spend with your closest friends. That is the choice you make when embarking on such a journey, yet, I posit that it is a sacrifice worth making; a price worth paying, to pursue bold ideas that have the power to create positive change in our world.

The price of being a sheep is boredom. The price of being a wolf is loneliness. Choose one or the other with great care.” — Hugh MacLeod

The stress amplified to the point that I could no longer laugh

Keith Roberts. Founder, Author and Speaker at OAKJournal, Board Member at Entrepreneurs’ Organization, President at Entrepreneur’s Organization, Founder and Creative Director at Zenman. Denver, Colorado.

The answer depends on the individual, their unique personality, and their approach to business.

Most of my closest friends are people that I met as clients, peers, or through my entrepreneurial journey.

The first 15 years was incredibly isolating. Not only did the struggles of entrepreneurship take away almost all of my free time, the stress I felt amplified to the point that I could no longer laugh.

Finding Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO), my Forum, a global village of other entrepreneurs changed my life, and having intentionality has to the type of life I want to experience has changed my path from one of loneliness, to one of connection and joy.

If life is lived not by accident but with intention, one can experience a life that is more profound, more intense, more rich, and one can experience a life that is deeply joyous and fulfilling

Kym Huynh. Founder at WeTeachMe, President at Entrepreneurs’ Organization. Melbourne, Australia.

Business, in and of itself, is hard. In a study of 28 million businesses in the US, 96% fail before they reach the $1M/year revenue turnover. Out of the 28 million businesses, 99.6% will fail before they reach the $10M/year revenue turnover. That stark statistic illustrates the tide the entrepreneur wades against in their efforts to create a viable business.

Now let’s layer on the stresses and pressures that come with starting and scaling a business, and the time, relationship, and life sacrifices that is required. At one point in my journey, I had locked myself away in an upstairs bedroom whilst my friends celebrated a birthday downstairs. I recall thinking, “I need to finish onboarding this new customer,” and the feeling of wanting to isolate myself and being alone. When I reflect on this experience, I am not surprised that a common phrase I hear is “entrepreneurship is a lonely journey”.

Now let’s layer on the incredibly steep learning curve that an entrepreneur must endure. For example, every entrepreneur must learn the four key decisions that all high-growth companies have mastered: (1) how do I make sure that there is enough cash in my business? [cash]; (2) how do I make sure that I can drive top-line revenue growth? [strategy]; (3) how do I make sure that I have the right people in the right seats performing the right functions in my “bus”? [people]; and (4) how do I make sure I convert top-line revenue efficiently into bottom-line profit? [execution]

Now let’s layer on the “divergent paths” or “growth divergence” dilemma entrepreneurs experience with friends and family who haven’t lived and breathed what it feels like to be an entrepreneur, and who often give unsolicited advice that is, albeit with good intentions, bad. The emotional energy required to navigate this dilemma is incredibly taxing, and difficult to navigate, for the entrepreneur.

Now let’s layer on the discovery that as the entrepreneur’s life path and experience has diverged from the norm, the entrepreneur starts discovering that conversation and points of interest increasingly diverge. And suddenly there is less to connect with, less in common, and conversations different.

The life of an entrepreneur brings with it multiple demands: (1) physical; (2) mental; (3) psychological; and (4) emotional. All these demands need to be juggled evenly, and at all times. Is it therefore surprising that many find the path of entrepreneurship lonely?

In spite of this, I also believe that we have agency and that if life is lived not by accident but with intention, one can experience a life that is more profound, more intense, more rich, and one can experience a life that is deeply joyous and fulfilling. The entrepreneurial journey was initially lonely for me, but is now filled with deep connections, life-changing friendships, once-in-a-lifetime experiences, lots of laughter, and lots of joy, and of most importance to me, endless opportunity to live a life that is aligned with my life goal of making a lasting and positive contribution to this world.

Lee Munro. CEO at Munro Footwear Group.
Melbourne, Australia.

Like almost everything in life, it doesn’t have to be this way

Many people I talk to find entrepreneurship isolating and lonely. There are constant pressures that an entrepreneur feels: (1) sales; (2) marketing; (3) branding; (4) hiring; (5) firing; (6) culture; (7) values; (8) compliance; (9) finance; and (10) cash flow etc. Ultimately, the success of the business is the responsibility of the entrepreneur.

Some people internalise the myriad of pressures and that alone can make one feel lonely. But like almost everything in life, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Entrepreneurs have options and choice. This road has been well-traveled, and filled with people who are generously willing to share their learnings and experiences.

Some options of note:

  1. Find a mentor who is generously willing to share their learnings and experiences.
  2. Find a networking group of like-minded entrepreneurs.
  3. Share inside one’s own organisation and use the team as support. Brene Brown is a pioneer in the field of “vulnerable leadership” and her research suggests that this leadership methodology is great for both the entrepreneur and the business.

Entrepreneurship can be a lonely journey, but it doesn’t need to be

Namgyal Sherpa. Managing Director at Thamserku. Kathmandu, Nepal.

When I first started my entrepreneurial journey, I was obsessed with the idea of success, and I had a hunger to get things done at any cost even if it meant I had to do the heavy lifting myself. I didn’t trust and didn’t have the confidence to delegate, which consequently left me micromanaging most of the work.

This unhealthy approach lead to burnout, and as I had ignored other aspects of my life that are important to me such as family and care of self, this unhealthy approach also lead to loneliness. Relationships were one of the most important things in life, and it starts with the relationship we have with ourselves.

I started meditating, reflecting, and learning from other like-minded people, and discovered that by having an understanding of who I am, and accepting who I am, I was able to understand and appreciate others. This alone has had a transformative effect in both my personal and professional life.

I now feel more connected to myself, my purpose, my family, and my team.

Entrepreneurship can be a lonely journey, but it doesn’t need to be. We can always learn, improve, grow, and move forward.

95% of the population will never understand why we do it

Raymond Chou. Founder and CEO at Infront Consulting APAC. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Entrepreneurship can be both lonely and depressing; sometimes at the same time. It comprises of constant dark clouds and filled with daily heartbreak, and it is lonely because 95% of the population will never understand why we do it given all the pressures and stress that comes with it.

It can feels especially awful after you have had a particularly difficult day, and you come home and try your best to describe it to your loved ones only to be met with “stop doing it and get a job so you don’t have to suffer”.

Entrepreneurs are different to others; they do what they do for a purpose and for a higher vision, and any quest to realise the vision is filled with an army of challenges and sometimes well-intentioned people who try and stop them.

I had a great group of people, and new friends, with me but none of my old friends where there

Ron Lovett. Founder and Chief Alignment Officer at Connolly Owens, Founder and Chief Community Officer at Vida Living, Author at Outrageous Empowerment. Halifax, Nova Scotia.

The first time I heard the idea that “entrepreneurship is a lonely journey” was in my late twenties. I was running my security company and I had an Advisory Board. One of my Board Members–after our meeting–said, “Ron, I think you are going to do exceptionally well in business, but you will find that it can be very lonely journey.”

It wasn’t until my 30th birthday–when I organized a trip to Montreal, Canada–that this statement came to life for me. I had approximately 15 friends meet me, none of which were the friends that I had grown up with; most of the latter unfortunately could not afford the trip. Of course, I had a great group of people, and new friends, with me but I was sad that none of my old friends were there.

The feeling of loneliness has appeared multiple times during the journey, especially during very stressful times in business where I felt I had no one to lean on.

In 2007 I came across Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO). Immediately after joining, I felt a sense of belonging. To be immersed, locally and internationally, with other business owners from different businesses, cultures, races, beliefs and experiences provided me with the support and push to learn and grow. I haven’t felt lonely since!

How wonderful is it that one’s mind can jump from idea to idea without disturbance from others?

Tony Falkenstein. Founder and CEO at Just Life Group Limited, Founder and CEO at Just Water, President at Entrepreneurs’ Organization. Auckland, New Zealand.

There are times on the entrepreneurial journey when the entrepreneur may feel lonely, but if a person feels entrepreneurship is a lonely journey overall, perhaps they are better off working for someone else.

In my experience, entrepreneurship is the most sociable and engaging activity that an entrepreneur can ever undertake. Sometimes the entrepreneurship game is played alone, but how wonderful is it that one’s mind can jump from idea to idea without disturbance from others, and that at other times you get to play the game of business with a whole team against a lively opposition?

What do you think?

Do you agree or violently disagree with anything shared in this article? Or do you have any of your own stories that you want to share? Pop them in the comments and I will personally reply.

Call to action 

My goal is to help 1,000,000 people. My wish is to have these articles shared 1,000,000 times through the various social networks. For this reason, I provide this collection online for free and all I ask of you is this: If any of these articles have helped you in any way, please take a moment to share on social media, email to someone you think will find benefit, or print and leave it on the desk of someone whom you believe has the motivation, but lacks the tools to take themselves to the next level.

Don’t miss out on any new articles. Subscribe via email using the form at the bottom of this post and I’ll have the articles delivered straight to your inbox. Alternatively, you can also follow me on my various social media accounts: FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, and Twitter.